Cameron Parts The Waves – The Tales of a Modern Canute



Translated from the original Anglo Saxon by Friar Guillaume Talor

And lo, the great Tory went out from his longship and walked forth unto the waves. He, that is King Cameron, did extend his hands unto the waves. The people did cheer as they thought the king would batter back the waves. The mighty King’s hands did have no effect however and much gnashing of teeth and wailing did occur. And lo, King Dave (for it was he) did turn unto the people and spake, “See, even I the great David of Cameron cannot stop the waves”. The people were uneased by this and did spake unto the king “Why do you not use some sandbags then?” The King did say unto the people “Nay,  we have sent them all to the Americans for they are bad and do blow themselves up as the sand does come from the land of the infidel.” The people did spake unto him “Then will we die in this great flood?” The leader did say unto them, “Not if you vote for me instead of Edward Ironside of the Labours”. This angered the people but the leader retracted that statement and instead suggested spake to them “Okay, how about I give thee some gold sovereigns as compensation?” The people did like this and much dancing and gay singing occurred and King Cameron kept his head. However, some months later and the people did discover that the King would not give them their gold but they would get groats instead. This angered the people and they chased the leader into the sea. And lo, the commentating Gods who sent the storm were appeased.


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