Monks, Drunks and Holy Grails

By Will Barber

It was a dirty job. I didn’t want to do it but I had to. To steal from a museum was in my book kind of dirty. When you are on a downer though, yah gotta do what yah gotta do as my old dad said. I cocked my gun and went in. The museum was dark. Very dark. My boss had arranged it so the guard wouldn’t disturb me. Now don’t get me wrong, he hadn’t killed him, I never take jobs where anybody is directly hurt. He’d got a guy on the inside to drug him. I walked through the museum. The cabinet with the thing I wanted was quiet near the door. I put the silencer on my gun and “opened” the case. Inside was an old piece of paper with some weird writing on it. Later on, I managed to get a copy of it. It went something like this:

הלכתי עשרת אלפים ליגות

בגשם ומקלחת

כדי למצוא אותו.

הגשם גרם מים עיני רעם גרם לי לרעוד.

מצאתי את הקבר העתיק של מלכים

שבו עמד איש זקן

הוא קרא לי משתמש השם שלי

שאלתי מי הוא, ואם ידוע לו על הגביע. הוא חייך.

בינות שיניים סדוקות ונרקב הוא אמר לי

הגביע מונח בתוכו. נכנסתי לקבר

גשם ורעמים מילאו את אוזני כשנכנסתי.

על שולחן קטן ליד קברו של המלך בשם ארתור ראיתי את זה

דבר באתי עד לכאן כדי לראות

הגביע הקדוש

נגעתי בה והרגשתי לא יותר.

I didn’t understand a word of it. I was never good with foreign languages. I gently took it out of its case and put it in the briefcase I had been given. I got up and walked out of the museum. A car was waiting a black Mercedes if my memory serves. I went over to it and opened the door. Inside the car was a big man. He was staring intently at a piece of paper. Later, I got a copy of what he was reading as well. It ran like this:

אני מכיר אותך ואתה מכיר אותי אחי

ארתור יבוא

הוא מביא איתו אקסקליבר

לחתוך אויבים עמך

עד שהם נופלים ערימות גדולות על הקרקע

הוא יגן

עד היום dieing שלך

Aslong כפי שאתה נשבע

להילחם עבורו ביום Senlack

I got the few English words. Apart from that I didn’t understand anything. It was written on the same type of old battered paper. The big man was holding it with gloves that looked like they had come out of a morgue. I put the case down next to him. He didn’t even look up.

“You’ll get your money in the post Mr Fox.” Then without warning his closed the door nearly trapping my hand. Seconds later the car sped off. I sighed and walked down the street. I needed a burger.