Jeremy Clarkson used a word we at the Daily Mirror find disgusting. An online poll of Mirror readers found that 79 per cent of people believed he should not be sacked by the BBC for his use of the word. This is of course completely inaccurate and we shall sack the person who made said poll. And Michael Grovel stepped in to defend the presenter saying: “As I understand Jezza has apologised, the word in question is horrendous and shouldn’t be used. It seems to me this was a word he never intended to mutter, he did so under great personal strain to himself , it was never intended to broadcast, he’s been clear in his apology that he shouldn’t have said this on camera and I think we should leave matter there. Unless of course he calls someone a pleb, in that case I think we should have a billion pound inquiry into it funded by the taxpayer.”
Clarkson, the evil lying rightwing scumbag, has made a U turn we can now reveal. The fact that he met BBC Bosses not long before releasing a statement shows that the outdated dino should be taken out to a paddock and shot in front of his family, which is not an overaction at all and is something that we at The Mirror would applaud. Clarkson said in his apology that he “didn’t meant to say the N word”. BULL CRAP! The man is obviously a verbal war criminal and should be sacked and sent to hell!
An hour later
Nothing much is happening at the moment so we have decided to spend the next four thousand years reposting tweets about how bloody awful Clarkson is. The fact we are spending so much time and energy on this story has nothing to do with Mr Clarkson’s connection to a certain high ranking member of the Conservative party at all. This is a story the British public needs to hear and is far more important that the destruction of Ukraine or the conviction of Max Clifford for sexually abusing women or indeed the fact that both the NHS and the Education System are being pulled apart brick by brick. This is the story Britain needs to hear! And now back to those tweets…
Two hours later
Still nothing else? He hasn’t been hanged yet! Right, here are some more tweets about the disgusting, appalling, disgusting, hideous, disgusting event that has literally rocked the western world to it’s core. Not since the days of Ancient Rome has such scandal brought a civilisation to the brink of destruction. If we all die blame Clarkson, it is HIS FAULLLLTTTTTTTT!!
I would just quickly like to add that I as said writer of this piece do not approve or condone the use of the N word. What I have done in the above piece is attempted to satirise The Daily Mirror’s completely ridiculous live rolling coverage of this scandal. I don’t like what Jeremy Clarkson said and I don’t feel sorry for him after his half arsed attempt at an apology but the fact The Mirror have set up a “live coverage” page for this when they could be getting off their arses and reporting about some of the terrible things that are going on in the world makes me sick. So that is why I wrote this piece. I just thought I’d add a disclaimer at the bottom in case anyone thought I was defending Mr Clarkson. Thank you.